Right now I’m taking estrogen twice a day and apart from looking like I should be in the “before” shot of a Proactiv commercial, it’s been pretty good. I still get a few headaches, but nothing at all like our previous protocol from the summer, in both frequency and intensity.
I go to the clinic again tomorrow morning for another ultrasound and more bloodwork. They’ll be checking to see how I’ve progressed in the last 10 days, my hormone levels and the thickness of my uterine lining.
I’m actually pretty nervous about the appointment. We’ve been here before and it didn’t go as we’d hoped, when we found out that my body was not responding to the medications, and the lining of my uterus was not thick enough for a transfer. I went into that initial appointment, feeling pretty excited, and it was such a blow to find out that we would need to postpone the transfer and that their embryos would need to be frozen. Going in this time, I have a bit more knowledge as to what to expect and what the results of the tests tomorrow will mean. This will determine if we’re about to move forward.
When I’ve told people about the upcoming appointment and that I’m feeling nervous about it, they’ve been quick to sympathize, misunderstanding though, and thinking that I’m nervous about moving forward with the surrogacy. In fact, it's the opposite that’s true, in that I think the nervousness comes from the thought of not moving forward. Funny enough, right now I don’t have any worries or fears about another pregnancy, or the fact that I'm planning on carrying someone else’s baby. That part seems a piece of cake. It's the not knowing and waiting that feels like the hardest part!
It’s funny what time will do, and how easily it can change your perspective.
I think I'll ask Lily to help me pick out a "lucky" outfit for tomorrow.